I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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