hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
