You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
