Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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