The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
