She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
