you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
