Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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