Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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