you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
