It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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