If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize