my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
