Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
