All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
