Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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