I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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