i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Blood and glitter go together right?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
