saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Panties = found
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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