just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
