she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
