dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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