I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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