the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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