i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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