Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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