no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
