why didn't you poke me back
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
