I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
