i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
