Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
