Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
