Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
