Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
