Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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