her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
