First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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