Your face is a jimmy john
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
