Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
