Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
