My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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