I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
