so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
