I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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