never play flip cup with pint glasses
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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