I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
