Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
