I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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