i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
