just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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