"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
