I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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