I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
