good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
