so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
