you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize