I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
