What did we do last night that was yellow?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
