dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
