I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
