My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
