I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
