its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
