i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
