My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
