It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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